Today is NOT a good day. I want a cigarette so bad. If you read Part 1 you know that I am trying to quit. You also know that I am on the patch but have been smoking up to 5 cigarettes a day. Well my friends I haven't had a cigarette since 7:30pm last night...that is over 19 fucking hours. No cigarette before I went to bed last night, no cigarette when I got up this morning...none all day.
Now if you read any of the comments posted under Part 1 you will see that I posted back and was all positive and damn near a ray of freak'in sunshine. Well I am here to tell you the ovewhelming urge to mame and kill others is back...OH it's back HARD. I have NO patience for people today. I'm at work so it doesn't make it any easier. If anyone comes up to me and talks for longer than 5 seconds I just want to punch them in the face. I don't even care what they are talking to me about. They could be saying I look good, or they are going to give me money, or take me out to lunch, buy me a car...don't care. Still wanna punch 'em.
There are two people here, one male and one female, that the actual sound of their voice.....even when I was smoking...drives me completely and totally C to the R to the A-Z-Y...CRAZY. Okay, so for the female it is mostly the sound of her voice, but the male it's not only the sound of his voice but the stupid shit he says. The other day he said "yummers." As in, "Have you ever made homemade carmel corn? It's Yummers." Uh that's right people, yummers, what a fucking knob! So, wouldn't you know it, today of all days, both of them decide to engage in a conversation WITH EACHOTHER just on the other side of my cube wall. In all seriousness I had to leave the building. This is NOT good. I can't be smack'in up co-workers. Although these two need some smack'in up (did I mention yummers?). I'm too pretty to go to jail....plus my ass would probably be traded for a carton of smokes...where would that get me? I'm trying to quit...HELLO!
I don't want to smoke but I don't want to be this cranky either. Maybe I'll start abusing prescription drugs, just until I quit smoking. Then it's off to Betty Ford. That'd be pretty cool hanging out with doped-up/cracked-out celebrities like in 'Postcards From The Edge' and then Shirley MacLaine would be my mom...how cool would that be?? That ain't gonna happen so I'll probably end up punching someone. If your phone rings it could be me making my one phone call...PLEASE pick-up!
I'm really really really going to try and get through this day and hope that tomorrow is better. If I hold on until 7:30pm I can say I haven't had a cigarette in the last 24hrs. That's pretty cool...24hrs people!! That's like a whole day!
Now I feel better! (still wanna punch someone though)
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3 comments:
I hear you. I've been smoking since the age of 13 (turning 22 this month) and no matter what I try, I just can't kick the habbit. Some wise man once said: "Quitting smoking is very easy, I've done it dozens of times".
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Hang in there! I have quit many, many times. This go 'round I haven't smoked since July 5th. You can do this even though it sucks really, really bad! Eat chocolate....or chips and dip.....do whatever you need to do not to smoke. Good luck!
Wow, man. I admire your mad abilities to not kick the ass of the "yummers" guy. Smoking or not. Hell, I am smoking right now and I want to hurt him myself.
Keep hanging in there, it has got to be so worth it.
My tip, for what it's worth: Hot Tamales. Something about the burn and the chewing did help.
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